Oseh Shalom

Posted on October 14, 2023

October 14th, 2023

24 Tishrei, 5784

Dear LGA Community,

When we wrapped up our all-school Kabbalat Shabbat assembly on Friday signing “Oseh Shalom,” the prayer for peace, watching our sweet students prancing out, smiling and waving, I could not suspect the context in which I would be coming back to this joyful scene in my mind, over and over again, throughout this weekend. I am hearing the song in my head right now, as I am writing this note to you.

This is a dark, heavy moment, and, like everyone else, I am mostly lost for words, with grief for the losses, and with worry for my family and friends, and for innocent civilians on both sides of the border.

Because watching the conflict from afar can feel paralyzing and often fills us with a sense of helplessness, I would like to share a few thoughts with you, which I hope you will find actionable and helpful.

As you all know, there are quite a few members of our community – students, parents, grandparents, alumni, staff, and faculty – who grew up in Israel, and/or have close family members and dear friends that live there. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to check in, with care, warmth – but also sensitivity and gentleness. To let them know that you care about them. I viscerally know how important this is, because only recently, when the war in Ukraine started, I found myself feeling isolated, watching everyone around me move on with their lives, while I was consumed with worry for my loved ones who live there. Every time someone reached out to me, it made a real difference. This is what it means to be in community.

If you yourself are that person – consumed with worry at this very moment – please know that LGA is here with and for you.

And then there is the matter of deciding what we are going to say to the children. Many of us parents here in the U.S. have the luxury of being able to mostly avoid talking about war. And, while, certainly, this is everyone’s own parenting decision, I do think that it is important to find our way into difficult conversations, and I’ll share my own thought process, both as a parent and the Head of School.

My friend, a young mother who lives in Jerusalem, wrote to me today: “Yesterday was the blackest day we’ve known… Six sirens in the morning, taking my kids to the stairwell [for shelter] and having to find words to calm and clarify to a four-year-old is just horrible.” I chose to share her note with my children, because I want them to grow up to be knowledgeable and empathetic, and because it is important to me that they are attuned to the Jewish community worldwide, and because a testimony like this offers far more real insight than anything they may hear, or overhear, in the news.

On Friday afternoon, I had a memorable conversation with our board member Amy Meltzer, and her mom Judy – who mentioned to me the work of Dr. Marshall P. Duke, Professor of Psychology at Emory, whose work focuses on the myriad of ways in which family narratives, stories, and conversations of hardship and resistance benefit our children, forging stronger familial bonds and the sense of self in the world. And I couldn’t agree more, having grown up with my grandparents’ stories of World War II and the Holocaust. Even as young children, we walk through the world holding so much history within us. To understand that history is to understand oneself, to understand what it means to be a human being, and to continue to develop empathy for others.

If you’re looking for resources about how to conduct such conversations, I found this article from Child Mind Institute helpful, along with the Forward’s OpEd from Dr. Sivan Zakai.

And so, too, as a team of educators, we will come together and find ways to address this fraught moment we are in with our students at the school – in a way that is developmentally appropriate, of course.

We will start our morning on Tue, Oct 10th with an all-school gathering. All of the parents that wish to attend are invited. While we’re still finalizing the content of this gathering, we know that there will be a recitation of Tehillim/Psalms that is customary for the occasion, and, of course, there will also be singing the prayerful songs of peace.

A number of synagogues in the community will be convening tomorrow, Mon Oct 9th at 7pm: CBI (Northampton), JCA (Amherst), Temple Beth El (Springfield), and there will be zoom options, too.

I also want to take a moment to assure you that LGA’s security protocols are solid. We have worked with the police department and a security consultant to ensure the safety of our building and review the protocols with the faculty and staff. The local police department is aware of the current situation.

I find so much comfort thinking back to the sweet faces of our students, singing Oseh Shalom. Something inside of me says that singing it again, and again, is really important, as important as anything we do at LGA, and I choose to believe that.

Praying for peace and for the safety of all people.

Jake Marmer

Head of School